In a move that devastated the show’s fans and delighted everyone else in existence, “Game of Thrones” author George R.R. Martin acquired the rights to the sixth season of “Glee” at 2 a.m. this morning.
According to tipsters from Entertainment Weekly, Martin and “Glee” producer Ryan Murphy had been in talks since December, though the nature of their conversations had been unknown.
Word of the agreement arrived at Entertainment Weekly’s headquarters in New York City from a one-eyed crow sent from Martin’s modest estate in Santa Fe.
Murphy said his decision to leave “Glee” in Martin’s hands was multifaceted. On one hand, his other show, “American Horror Story,” is receiving much better ratings. On the other hand, he no longer has any idea what to do with the seniors who graduate at the end of every season.
“George has a knack for these things — I’m sure he’ll know what to do,” Murphy said.
“Glee” fans across the world balked at Murphy’s statement and used various “Glee” message boards to express their hopes that Martin’s reputation for killing off all of his characters would not be preserved in the next season of the musical sitcom.
Martin assured veteran “Glee” fans on his blog that their fears were completely legitimate and grounded in reality.
“A herd that grows too large must be culled. Valar morghulis — that’s Valyrian for ‘All men must die,’” Martin said.
“Glee” superfan and University student Sarah Bennett said she was disappointed with Murphy’s decision, and she would likely cry herself to sleep while listening to the “Glee” version of “Don’t Stop Believin’” later tonight. Despite her objections, she still intends to watch every episode of the new season.
“Honestly, we’ve been through a lot worse, so at this point I’m just along for the ride,” Bennett said.
According to Martin, losses in the singing competitions featured in seasons past will no longer wound just the characters’ egos.
“When you play a game of songs, you win or die. It is known,” Martin said.
Murphy said Martin has gotten HBO’s permission to bring talent from “Game of Thrones” to the cast of “Glee.” Viewers can expect appearances from the most beloved and hated characters of “Game of Thrones,” including Joffrey Baratheon as a rival student, Tyrion Lannister as a guidance counselor and Hodor as a hype-man.
The show will also include covers of songs from “Game of Thrones,” including at least one performance of “The Rains of Castamere.”
Martin also confirmed in his blog that the new season would, in fact, feature dragons.
“I brought it up as a joke, but everyone at Fox was really into it, so at this point we kind of just have to do it,” Martin said.
Season six won’t air until September, but a teaser trailer will accompany the premiere of “Game of Thrones’” fourth season on April 6.
“I’m excited to take the show in a ‘New Direction!’” Martin said.
“I’m excited to take the show in a ‘New Direction’!”