I want to thank the creators of cruisingforsex.com. This Web site provides a public service for all persons interested in public sex. The search function allows a state specific query for locations to have sex, including baths, public places, bookstores, arcades and even theaters. Without such a service, people such as U.S. Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, who pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct stemming from bathroom gymnastics he participated in during a trip to the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, would have no place to turn to discreetly fill a need in their life. Craig, after pledging to step down from the Senate by Sept. 30 for this incident, has instead decided to fight the charge against him and stay in the office. As a result of Craig bringing this issue to the forefront of American dialogue, we at the University now know our own Middleton Library hosts this service. As journalistic ethics demanded, I visited the second stall in the men’s bathroom on the third floor of the library to verify if the public posting on cruisingforsex.com about Middleton was true. Sure enough, there – in all its glory – was a hole carved into the stall partition. What is this hole used for you ask? Further research on the topic provided an answer that satisfied my understanding of this phenomenon. According to the Web site “Aaron’s Dictionary of Gay Terms,” this is no ordinary hole – it’s a “glory hole.” A glory hole is “The opening (hole) in a partition between two toilets in a public toilet or men’s room in which a penis is inserted and fellated on the other side; usually, the two parties never see each other face to face.” The library attempted to stop the stall glorification by placing metal sheets over the hole. Unfortunately the library staff does not understand the resolve of the stall gurus who just tear down the metal and go about their business. Perhaps, though, the library staff has in mind the Library Bill of Rights which provides in part that, “library resources should be provided for the interest, information, and enlightenment of all people of the community the library serves.” I’d say this resource certainly provides enlightenment to all who lack an understanding of bathroom sex. Whatever the case may be, this environment in the men’s bathroom is a true testament to “LSU’s Commitment to Community” statement. It provides in part that we must all “respect the dignity of all persons and accept individual differences.” We are therefore compelled to respect the dignity of Craig and accept his “differences.” While Idaho may be too conservative on the issue of public sex, Louisiana certainly is not. We are a hospitable and forgiving citizenry. Who could forget the recent indiscretions of Louisiana’s greatest defender of marriage, Republican Sen. David Vitter? When Vitter admitted to indiscretions we understood. He asked for forgiveness, and we gave it. I could therefore think of no better place for Craig than our state and our campus. I invite the morally righteous Idahoan to visit and give the Middleton Library bathroom a good workout. Craig certainly has the credentials necessary to qualify for an invitation from the stall queen to participate in Cajun style floor exercises. A key qualification after all, is to vote against equal rights for gay Americans while at the same time enjoying the pleasure of what the gay community has to offer. And to be certain, Craig has a proven record of leadership on the issue. In 2004, Craig joined 44 of his Republican cohorts in the Senate and voted to amend the Constitution to provide that marriage is a union between one man and one woman. Of course, this vote had nothing to do with the presidential election year and the need of the Republican Party to demonstrate to voters its commitment against equal rights. Even this past week, Craig maintained Republican Party discipline. He, along with 38 other Republicans, voted against the Matthew Shepherd hate crimes legislation. The legislation would provide federal protection for crimes perpetuated against gay Americans. I am glad Craig had the courage to stand up and demand that we as a country have at least one group to hate on. So, Craig, come on down. The floor exercise awaits you. Your wide stance in the bathroom stall will not be interrupted this time. We do, however, expect superior athletic ability. Your “pole vault,” “dismount” and “stick” should be flawless. And when you do visit, I have one request. Could you give us advance notice? I want to be in attendance – along with the library staff – so we can testify to the level of enlightenment on campus.
—-Contact Donald Hodge at dhodge@lsureveille.com