As I was perusing the results from Pride Surveys’ annual look at adolescent drug, alcohol and tobacco use, I realized that I need a new job. Despite the risk of saddening all 12 of my regular readers and forcing the paper to scramble for other editorial content, I am now seriously considering applying for job as a commercial writer with the White House’s Office of National Drug Control Policy (ONDCP). Bear with me for a moment, and I’ll explain why.
Pride Surveys is a company based in Bowling Green, KY, that gathers data on youth substance use and abuse since 1982. In 1998, the federal government began using Pride’s data as the major measuring stick for gauging the effectiveness of its youth drug programs. 1998 was the same year that ONDCP began its current “media campaign,” which was supposed to take the drug war into the 21st century, at least technologically.
This media campaign, now in its sixth year of “educating and empowering youth to reject drugs,” is beginning to behave like an addict. Over the past two years, it soared to new highs, or crashed down to the lowest lows, all depending on your point of view.
2002 and 2003 saw the media campaign crank out countless gems of anti-drug advertising, including what I like to call the “If you’re one of the approximately 100 million people in America who has experimented with an illegal drug, then you’re a terrorist and helped blow up buildings” pieces. Those, however, were aimed at adults and thus carry little or no relation to the Pride data, so we’ll save them for another day.
It’s the latest wave of commercials (print, television and radio) they’re throwing at kids that make me boil – and make me realize that I’m working way too hard for my money.
See, here at the Reveille, they make us provide data to support our assertions. Oftentimes, we’re also forced to document where we obtained our information, or even give the names of those people and organizations who provided it.
This is easily contrasted against the main assertions made by the media campaign’s work, which are supported by, well, I’m not really sure at this point. “Clueless adult stereotypes and inaccurate, if not scary, facts” is the best theory I can posit. These are the commercials that teach us all that marijuana will get you pregnant.
The legitimate, observable effects of smoking pot are well-documented – problems with cognitive processing and memory, respiratory ailments and frequent coughing, increased heart-rate, etc. – and could be presented much more effectively, and truthfully, than by resorting to the shocking images employed by the recent ads.
The ONDCP’s actors and print models appear in situations which seem to imply that marijuana gives kids access to loaded firearms, which will inevitably cause one stoner to shoot his other stoner buddy while they’re both high. The theme of another? Marijuana leads to stoned drivers running over small children on bicycles. I’ve seen that commercial about 10,000 times by now, so that must happen a lot. And we musn’t forget the cream of this year’s commercial crop, which implies that if you’ve been smoking and later become the victim of date rape, blame yourself and marijuana.
So, after more than a year of this asinine persuasion that bears little resemblance to reality, Pride Surveys tells us that the 2002-2003 school year saw … that’s right, a modest increase in adolescent drug use. The two-point jump from 22% to 24% who reported trying drugs at least once before leaving high school is hardly earth shattering, but extremely relevant as it coincides with one of our dumbest maneuvers in the drug war.
Wondering if anyone in Washington might have also smelled week-old salmon rotting underneath these statistics, I did some more research (that stuff the ONDCP giggles at). Guess what? Next year we’re going to go ahead and spend another $170 million to run these and similar spots.
I chose to develop this example of our chronically anemic drug war because it commits the cardinal sin of adults who’ve already forgotten adolescence: You cannot convince a teenager of anything if your only weapons are lies and deception – especially when he/she needs nothing more than personal experience to recognize the patronizing nature of the flimsy truths.
It took me a little while to connect all these dots, but I think I’ve finally popped in the last puzzle piece. If I continue this columnist gig, which heretofore was a dream job, I can look forward to weekly deadlines, rational thought, valid logic, supporting evidence and about enough cash for a haircut.
If I score this new job as Drug War Commercial Writer extraordianaire, though, it’s life in the lap of luxury. I get to make stuff up! And manipulate already misleading statistics! And best of all, even if I screw it all up and fail in even the modest task with which I have been charged, no one cares! Another 170 mil heading my way…
So kids, it’s been fun – I’m off to live the good life, maybe play a round of golf. If my application in D.C. falls through, I’ll see you next week.