Students should report to their Friday classes as usual after a scheduling mistake was uncovered and corrected by University officials.
“We did the math wrong,” said president and chessmaster F. King Alexander. “For the semester to count, we have to have a certain number of instructional days. That Friday start to Spring Break put us one day under the minimum. We either have classes as usual on Friday, or nobody can legally receive any credit hours for classes taken this Spring semester at LSU.”
Most students reacted negatively to the news.
“I had planned to sell my kidney over the break,” said Wilborn Nobles, mass communication senior. “That’s the only way I can afford school. Surgery was gonna be on Friday, and then I’d have all next week to recover. Now I’m going to have to reschedule to early next week and hope the stitches don’t tear open when I limp back to class on the thirteenth.”
Local travel agents report long lines and frustrated students. Many had depended on the extended weekend to get to their eventual destinations, and there are few seats available on later flights.
“I can’t believe I gotta be in class on Friday,” said one disappointed brah. “I was supposed to be getting drunk on those little bottles of overpriced booze they sell on planes, and starting a fight with an air marshal. But now I’m supposed to learn about geology instead? That shit ain’t right.”
Editor’s Note: This story is a special April Fools’ edition at lsureveille.com.