You know what song I really like: Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain.”
I like it because Simon bases most of her argument on the fact that the man she is speaking to is vain, because he probably thinks the song is about him.
But wait, the song is about him.
So wouldn’t it be fair to say, being that the song is about him, him thinking the song is about him is based on fact and has nothing to do with him being vain?
But if it’s a fact that a song called “You’re So Vain” is about him, then that must make him vain – sort of.
Anywho, I really just like the song. Carly Simon is a clever girl.
Sometimes I feel like I could write a column like that.
“You’re so vain. I bet you think this Cuff is about you.”
Maybe that’s what I’m doing right now; writing a “You’re So Vain” column.
And if this is truly a “You’re So Vain” column, then you’re probably going to think it’s about you, but it’s not about you – it’s about Steve Spurrier.
“You walked into the stadium, like you were walking on to a yacht.
Your visor strategically dipped below one eye.
Your headphones were apricot.”
Really, I just want to make fun of Steve Spurrier, because Auburn beat him so bad Saturday.
I don’t think he’s been beaten that bad since he coached the Redskins.
But at least for South Carolina, he doesn’t talk funny like Lou Holtz. Back to vanity.
The only problem with writing a “You’re So Vain” column, is that I’d have to acknowledge that person on being so vain that they would have driven me to write something about them (i.e. Steve Spurrier), but that would only be celebrating them.
True it would be celebrating a poor characteristic, but something about it just seems irresponsible. I don’t think I’d like giving someone so vain so much credit on being vain. It’s almost counter-productive.
“Kill’em with kindness,” I say.
But then kindness might only make a vain person feel more special, thus making them more vain … again – counter-productive.
But is the ultimate goal to make the vain less vain? Good question.
I’d also feel a bit uncomfortable if I wrote something as profound and long lasting as Simon did, and then have the subject of that piece redeem himself. Then making my work a shallow, insensitive and now unfair put down.
Vanity always wins – unless you were Steve Spurrier on Saturday.
“I had some dreams; they were clouds in my coffee, clouds in my coffee-”
Jay built this city on Rock ‘n’ Roll. Contact him at [email protected]