So I think I have solved that pesky little problem of what to do with our beloved Bengal tiger Mike V-let him live in the new Cox Communications Athletic Academic Center.
It’s so obvious.
He’ll have ample room to move, and if you fill the basement with water it would be more than adequate space for swimming.
If nothing else it would keep all those athletes on their toes.
I mean, can you think of a better sport than good old Roman-style tiger vs. man wrestling? Hell no!
LSU could sell tickets.
It would be huge; think of the money, Skip … millions and millions.
I’d buy a ticket.
Ok, what about liability?
I dunno, I’m not a lawyer, but surely something could be worked out.
I mean, we got away with drinking in the new suites. Hell, we built a dorm in the shape of a football field for God sakes-loopholes are in our blood.
Just think how proud Huey P. would be.
So what if Mike ate a few student athletes?
Hello, it’s called “natural selection.” Am I the only one who has read Darwin?
Let’s just call it economics.
The more students Mike eats, the fewer scholarships you have to pay.
Obviously if they couldn’t juke a tiger, they’re probably not your best player.
And we wouldn’t have to spend so much money on all that prime beef we feed Mike.
Plus, all those animal rights people would get off our back; it’s the closest thing to a natural environment a captive-born tiger could ever possibly hope for, and we still get to keep the mascot – it’s a win-win situation.
Think of the concessions we could sell in just one weekend alone of “The Man vs. Beast Bowl.”
If Roy ever healed up, I’m sure he and Sigfried would love to do a halftime show.
I smell “Game Day” coverage.
I’d love to see Lee Corso’s picks on Clayton vs. Mike – now that’s what I call Heisman candidacy.
But let’s get back to the big issue: money.
Let’s see, 200 bucks a ticket, 1,000 seats, that’s like $5,000 or something; I mean I don’t have a calculator on hand or anything, but we’re talkin’ big bucks.
Of course, I would expect some compensation for the idea, I’ve already proposed a similar plan to Southern University and I think they might bite (pun intended).
So act fast, TAF.