Only 18.4 percent of women orgasm from vaginal intercourse. Women and men live different sexual realities. Men are free to talk about sex, free to have multiple sexual partners and orgasm while women are looked down upon for talking about sex and are shamed for being with various partners.
Before the physical pleasure -gap changes, the way men think about women’s sexuality must change. Men must begin to see the hypocritical nature of sexuality. There is no reason why sex should seem to be about sheer conquest to men yet it is an immediate issue if a woman even dresses in an unpopular way. Furthermore, there is a responsibility for parents and family members to stop applauding men for sex while belittling women for it. As long as these perceptions stay the same, the pleasure gap will remain the same.
The physical gap can be a more straightforward fix if men just start understanding that vaginal intercourse is not the only sexual activity, and for the majority of women it does not result in orgasm as it does in men. To change this, sexual education needs to change — few men understand the female anatomy at all. If the female anatomy becomes more well known to men, more men will focus on portions of the female body like the clitoris. Beyond just understanding, men could also focus on doing things that are not only sex. Foreplay and post-play are essential to an enjoyable sexual experience for women.
Men must move beyond insecurities and be open to ideas that women have. One of the largest sexual insecurities for men is the use of vibrators. Many men fear that a vibrator is a substitute for a partner but typically speaking that is not the case. The vibrator can just be a helpful tool to reach optimal pleasure for both men and women.
Men need to understand that sex is not about the destination but the entire journey. It is easy to understand why men care about the destination because sex has traditionally been for men. Naturally, it has always been about orgasming, then being done. For men, sex and orgasming can legitimately put them to sleep, so it would make sense that after orgasming the sexual experience would be done for many men. However, men should be held accountable as sexual partners to at least ask the woman they are with if they want more, especially more than just intercourse.
Education is an essential beginning for men to start becoming better sexual partners. Sex is a two-way street and should be treated as such, and the man’s side of the street is the side that needs the most work. It is necessary for men to see what they’re doing wrong and improve, even if only marginal improvements are necessary.
Miles Jordan is a 20-year-old liberal arts sophomore from New Orleans, Louisiana.
